Writing.....

Random Ramblings...They. Are. Important.

So this may seem like a random post to you. But I swear it's not. It's so important. Please bear with me.

1. I do NOT want unwanted attention from boys. I will let you know, men and boys, when I want attention from you and how I want it to come. If you have a crush on me, don't assume that I like you back, and don't keep being flattering and annoying. Please don't say cliché things, touch me in overly sensual ways, or treat me as if I am there for your every convenience. I'm not. And I don't want you acting like I will just take any guy off the street, because guess what. I WON'T! I am saving myself for my future husband, and if you aren't anywhere close to that man that I have prayed for all my young adult life, then no offense but get the heck out of here, K? We are friends, nothing else.

2. I DO want to spend quality time with my best friends and not have to deal with life, at least for one. day. of. the. week. I realize that's not a realistic goal but please, at least give me some time off. I need to reconnect sometimes, ya know? Sometimes this just manifests in a weekly small group Bible study. Sometimes it means Starbucks with a close friend. Sometimes it means I need to just spend hours (or minutes or days) texting back and forth with you because I want to talk to you and spend time with you, but I realize neither one of us has time to actually see each other face to face. So....hang in there.

3. If you disagree with me, that's okay, but realize that you ultimately won't stop me from expressing myself, from being me, and from showing the universe that I am a creative and outstandingly amazing human being. So if you think you can stifle me or put restrictions on how I express my creative nature, you can think again and then come back when you have a better answer than that. If it means I get a tattoo, then I get a tattoo. If it means I dye my hair, then I dye my hair. If it means I draw, paint, write, play music, sing, dance, do calligraphy, whatever I'm doing to express myself, then that's what I'm going to keep on doing. Earth to the universe--I won't stop! Be warned.

4. I am really struggling right now with what I need to be doing in my life and I have way too many things being thrown at me for retaining my sanity safely. If you EVER feel God putting me on your heart---PLEASE do not hesitate to call me and tell me. Or text me. Or email me. Or whatever the heck you want to do. But I could use the encouragement if you feel it on your heart. Most of my friends know that I'm a people person, despite the fact that I'm severely introverted. Even though I am at first painfully shy and always need to recharge my batteries after being with people, I still have a need to love and be loved by the people I care about the most.

5. No, I'm not an emotionally fragile person. Yes, I do sometimes need to have deep and heavy conversations about the meaning of life because I'm an introvert...and an extremely thoughtful and sensitive one. But that doesn't mean I'm trying to be overwhelming. It just means I crave quality time and words of affirmation. (Love Languages reference...) I think this comes hand in hand with number 4 (see above) and it just basically means that I value people, I value what they have to say to me, and I value the fact that they care (when I see someone who is a gem in this world, I grab and never let go...and that can be kind of overbearing to some people but I try to be a quiet admirer).

6. The things I thought I would never have to deal with are becoming things I'm having to deal with. From a double diagnosis this past winter that led to medication and therapy, to a frantic summer spent trying to recover quickly before college, to multiple health problems that won't really ever be diagnosed until I can make some independent choices, to the loss of loved ones and continued grieving, to questioning the basic beliefs I was raised on, my life is chaotic. Granted, a lot of that is part of being a college kid...and yet, a lot of it really isn't. But no matter what, everything is challenging--and everything is scary to one extent or another.

So there you go. Kind of a run-down of my life, I guess. Not the ideal blog post, really. I'm usually a much more poetic and eloquent person (Or at least I'd like to think so, I don't know if others agree) but I think this time I required of myself a much higher level of personal honesty, bluntness, and saying what I see in an unfiltered way. That's not my usual writing style so I'm sorry for any disappointment. :)

Thanks for taking the time---and remember how this quote applies to me and others like me.

Tori