Writing.....

2016 

I wish. 

I wish I had a best friend. Mine left me. I have friends, but it's not the same. 

I wish I could be everything the others are. I wish I was more lovable. I wish I was cute. 

I wish I had a talent that made everyone gasp and give me lots of attention. Not that I need it. 

I wish that I felt like I was enough. That I didn't have to apologize for myself, for my being alive. 

I wish I had an RA who liked me. I know it really doesn't matter much, but I feel small and disliked. 

I wish my laugh wasn't so loud. It's not like I'm trying to be an airhorn but I am one anyway. I hate it. 

I wish I hadn't trusted certain people with my struggles. I got hurt really badly. But it's okay. I grew. 

I wish that working out would make me skinny but it won't. Genetics. Lovely things, they are. Haha. 

I wish that someone would reciprocate the love I show them. I care for so many so so much. I'd die. 

I wish I was shorter and smaller so that my love for being close to people wasn't weird for them. Ew. 

I wish I could know what it's like to be the lead in a play. Maybe someday. But not for 2 or 3 years. :(

Most of all I wish I felt like I completely and entirely belonged somewhere. With no regrets. None. 

I wish I didn't love people so hard and so well. It's a disadvantage because I always get broken more. 

I wish I could completely and entirely start over. From the beginning. Even college. Messed up a lot. 

I wish I didn't let people walk all over me just because I allow myself to get stifled. I'm not weak. :/ 

I wish I could have pushed myself more to be more of the person I want myself to really, truly be. 

2017 

I will. I do. 

I do have lots of friends. Maybe I don't need just one close friend. 

I don't need to be everything the others are; I am already cute enough and loved enough. 

I am talented in many ways on many levels. Attention is nice, but who really needs it? Not me. 

I am enough. Period. No apologies, I am already enough and I don't need to be sorry for myself. 

It doesn't really matter if I don't have a special friendship with my RA. It's okay if I don't. 

My laugh will always be distinct, but I can rein it in so it doesn't always echo. I'm not performing. 

Trusting people is not bad; using discernment and discretion isn't either. Not everyone needs to know.

Skinny does not equal beautiful. I can work out and as a result I will be stronger and in shape. + <3 

I will always care deeply for people, but they will not always return the feelings the same way I do. 

I will always be tall and sturdy. I can't change that, and it shouldn't change my friendships or hugs. 

Whether I ever have a lead or not, that doesn't change my talent and passion for acting. Never. Ever. 

Whether I ever feel as if I belong anywhere or not, there will always be One who loves me. Period. 

I'm an extremely caring and loving person. Getting hurt is a natural result. But I can love gently. 

I can't start over. But I can take the time that I have and make the best of it where I am now already. 

I can be confident in myself and stand up for myself and advocate and articulate for myself. Always. 

By acknowledging these things, I have already begun to be the person I have always wanted to be. <3